The Idiot's Shoes


Author: Terence Rajivan Edward
Date: 2003
Note: not a small variation on another story I read!


        There was once a village idiot whose only pair of shoes were wearing out fast. One day he finally decided that he needed new shoes. That day hidden in a corner of the market was a shoe-seller from a faraway land. There were many colourful shoes with exotic shapes for sale. The idiot was dazzled. But they were all very expensive. The idiot asked the shoe-seller if he had any shoes at a lower price. The shoe-seller pulled out a pair of shoes much like the ones that the idiot was wearing, in much the same condition. The idiot said that he did not want those. To this the shoe-seller replied, 'If you go home, close your eyes and give each shoe a kiss, they will turn into the most splendid shoes you have ever seen.' Hearing this the idiot decided to buy the shoes. At home he gave each shoe a kiss. Now there are a few occasions when foolishness has its reward. There are times when it gives the jackpot to those who do not have the regular pay of being sensible. This seemed like one of those times. The idiot opened his eyes and saw the most splendid pair of shoes. They were made of velvet, not leather. The laces were chains of diamonds. And they gave off a delicious chocolate aroma.


        Shoes like this were so special that the idiot dared not expose them to the harshness of the world outside. He kept them indoors in a cupboard. When the shoes he had on finally wore out, he had no more money to spend on new ones. So he walked around barefoot. People teased him. They called him an idiot for not having shoes. The idiot was unable to face their taunts in silence. He declared, 'I have shoes but they are too splendid to wear. They are made of velvet, not leather. Their laces are chains of diamonds. They always smell of chocolate, even when I wear them after I have walked everywhere barefoot. In fact my feet come out clean and smelling of chocolate afterwards.' This made almost everyone laugh in disbelief. There was only one person who did not.


There was a knave in the village who wished to marry one of its richest ladies. He listened to the idiot defend his shoes and knew that the idiot was sincere in every word that he spoke. One day he sneaked into the house of the idiot and took off one of the diamond shoelaces. He made a necklace from it and presented it to the lady he so wished to wed. The lady was very was impressed. She wore it everywhere and began to think of the knave as someone superior to her other suitors. The idiot meanwhile was very sad. He hid his shoes in what seemed to him like a safe place and decided not to talk about them at all to the people of the village in case it encouraged further theft. But he could not keep to this resolution. One day he happened to see the rich lady stepping out of a carriage. He saw something shining around the neck of this lady. He could not take it from her because of the guards around her. So he shouted, 'That's my shoelace! That's my shoelace!' Of course no one believed him. Of course everyone laughed at him.


The knave realized that one gift was not enough to secure his marriage. So he sneaked into the idiot's house again. Now after the first theft, the idiot was afraid of his shoes being stolen. So he hid them in what he thought was a safe place. He moved the shoes from inside a cupboard to under the blanket of his bed. No one keeps a pair of shoes under a blanket, he thought, so no one will think to look for them here. But the knave found them. He went into the bedroom and saw two bumps under the blanket. This time he took the other diamond shoelace. He made bracelets from them and presented them to the lady he so wished to marry as a second gift. You can imagine what followed. Again the idiot was sad. Again he happened to see the lady stepping out of a carriage. Again he could not stop himself when he saw the lady. 'Those are my other shoelace! Those are my other shoelace!' he shouted. And again everyone laughed.


One more gift, the knave thought, would secure his marriage. But what? Suddenly he remembered that the lady had a weakness for chocolate and that he had smelt a warm chocolate aroma when he unlaced the idiot's shoes. Now after the second theft the idiot had his shoes locked up in a box, which he kept under his bed. But this only made things a little harder for the knave. It was not as if the idiot was the sort to have lots of treasures which have to be kept locked up. The knave just took the box and had it broken open. He put some icing on the shoes and presented them to the lady. 'Are these shoes for me?' she asked in bewilderment. The knave said that he had got her the idiot's shoelaces and now he had decided to get her the shoes. The lady laughed, thinking it was a charmingly light-hearted response to the idiot's wild accusations. Then the knave said, 'Why don't you try tasting them?' The lady protested that they were velvet, but the knave said, 'They smell of chocolate, do they not? They have icing on them, do they not? And what smells of chocolate and has icing on it is surely a chocolate cake, is it not? I bet it will be the tastiest chocolate cake you have ever eaten.' The lady could not resist the knave's reasoning. She ate the shoes. They were delicious. She promised her hand in marriage. But by the next morning the knave's plan had fallen to pieces.


That night the stomach of this lady of luxury did not feel at all settled. Over the course of the night she brought up what had been so delicious. But it was not chocolate she brought up and it was not velvet and it was not a half-digested version of either of these. It was stones and grass and mud. It was the sorts of things that you would get on your feet if you walked about barefoot all day. 'The shoes! The shoes!' the lady kept crying, before bringing up more dirt. The maids were so puzzled by what they saw and what they heard, until they started to remember the accusations of the village idiot. Together they began to work everything out. In the end the lady never married the knave but the idiot's shoes became famous throughout the village and throughout the land.